the sun & i

It seems to be that time of the year again…let’s call it seasonal depression and hopefully it’s just that! 

England has been blessed with amazing weather these last few weeks and, as per, it’s grey & gloomy again and I’ve had a hurricane of emotions, depression and, worst of all, the dreaded anxiety is back. This week I’ve had my heart pumping out of my chest, my eyes blurring & brain fog taking over, but guess what? Instead of wallowing for the whole day/week, I’m remembering the skills I learned during my counseling spout last year and to my surprise it’s actually bloody working. Instead of focusing on all the stresses or trying to discover what exactly it is that’s making me feel this way, I’ve been having a more positive outlook. The sun and my mood may have disappeared but I’m finding the sun itself to be my vice and I’m reminiscing about memories I have in it and the positive vibes that come with them.

"Even though I’ve always felt more of an earth sign, the fire sign within me, the Leo, roars strong whenever the sun is out"

The Sun to me means Cyprus; gold evenings, blue seas, olive green scattered across the landscape & bright white limestone blinding in the distance. Almost every year my mum would take me for three weeks each July/August and we would stay at my grandparents’ house, who at that point in time lived there permanently. It was a crucial relationship-building time. We’d visit monasteries & beaches, family homes and eat until our bellies were swollen. All day, and even now when I visit Cyprus, we’d chase every bit of air-con filled spaces we could find and sunbathe in the shade. Yes, it’s possible to tan in the shade!

The Sun in Cyprus means long day trips crammed in the car, legs sticking to the person next to you, getting irritable in the heat but grateful to the auntie who passes juices & sandwiches over from the front, singing along to our hearts content to the radio, but also trying to actually hear the music over everyone chatting/debating - it’s hard to tell the difference with Greeks.

Those three weeks in Cyprus would consume my memory library and I’d be full to my heart’s content once we left the island. All those experiences would imprint themselves in my body & mind. Even though I’ve always felt more of an earth sign, the fire sign within me, the Leo, roars strong whenever the sun is out, but it roars even more when I feel that humid air that hits your face as soon as you get off the plane in Cyprus.

My memories make me think about what kind of future I want to have with, and for, Cyprus and if one day we have a child what will the island mean to them. There’s no avoiding the current status quo of the Middle East and how Cyprus is in the prime geo-political warzone position. Historically it’s played a vital role for different empires and what control they have globally. To put it bluntly, Cyprus is the whore of the Mediterranean. The same can very easily be said for Malta and Sicily, but being the closest to the east, my little island always seems to get hit hard.

"The mind is a powerful tool"

Putting all this to the side, my heart is always drawn back home. As I get older, even though I was born & raised in England and it technically is my home, I can’t deny my heritage. We have a saying in Greek το αίμα τραβάει / the blood pulls. My Greek blood always draws me back home and who knows, maybe one day I’ll finally move back and make more memories under the Cypriot sun!

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The last couple of days have been quite hard. However, thinking back to these memories; the sensation I feel after reminiscing, it’s actually very comforting. The mind is a powerful tool and if we simply train it a little bit we can turn these discomforts around and move on from them.

Rhéa x