why we should accept depression

The truth is I'm a hopeless romantic for all things dark and depressing. It doesn't matter how many times I say to myself I need to be zen and peaceful, I'll always prefer - and fall into it whether I like it or not - a packet of cigarettes, a glass of something alcoholic and dark nights looking up to the sky wondering where it all went wrong. This is the thing, however, maybe it isn't wrong of me. Maybe that's just exactly who I'm meant to be. Instead of forever fighting it, fighting myself, I may as well embrace it. Right?

I'm the generation of Tumblr, MySpace and I really don't want to get into the embarrassing status updates I’d be posting on Facebook or Twitter every couple seconds. MSN taught me to message a ‘Hey’ without any real conversation or question ready - only a mere ‘wassup.’ Blackberry phones made it easier to pester mates that I knew were busy but I just couldn't resist pinging them (bearing in mind we would both be in the same school at the same time and in class.) 

"it's a natural life cycle - to be born and to die"

What has all of this taught me? Only how to beg for people's attention online and use what response I get to validate myself in my own world and in my real life. Did it ever work? Of course not. Us thirty year olds, us millennial digital natives, are the generation that created a virtual life and now we realise the mistake we've made - putting our full time and effort into creating this online life and presence. We now want to return to something more natural, more intrinsically us, more human. Let's put the phones down, let's put aside stressing out when someone hasn't responded to a message immediately, or not receiving enough likes on a post. It's time to remember that we are metaphysical, we are born from this planet. This is ours, our bodily cells came from here and we've been looking up to the same sky that I look at when I have a drink, a smoke, depressed thinking about life, ever since before conception. That's just it! From here we are born and here our bodies die. 

If looked at simplistically, it really isn't something to be afraid of because it's a natural life cycle - to be born and to die. It sure damn scares the shit out of me but as I've got older I've learned to live with it. I might not accept it but I can live with it. At the end of the day, all that matters is peace. Is it possible to be depressed and peaceful? I think so. If it's accepted that that is just you and you don't let it rule your life, you're ensuring the balance between the negative of depression and the positive of your life will balance out. Simply acknowledging and recognising it prevents it from ruling over you.

"Why not ask it to join us for a tea? Let's actually enjoy each others company"

For example, I easily get social anxiety and if there's an event I have to attend my stress levels rise. I'm like a hedgehog rolling itself up. But once I've got to the event and I see a familiar face, or I find myself something to be preoccupied with, I forget about the anxiety. Look at it this way: The event itself is the depression, my anxiety represents my life falling apart in that moment, me attending the event is me facing the depression and recognising the anxiety. It's balanced out because I faced and accepted the social anxiety by attending and forcing the balance to occur. It's a case of reminding in those build-up moments how I felt before and that I can actually do it.

All of us are different and cope with life in various ways. Not everyone has depression or anxiety but all of us touch it at some point in our lives and for those of us who always find it, why let it rule us? Why not ask it to join us for a tea? Let's actually enjoy each others company over healthy conversation, let's acknowledge each others presence; it might actually be bearable then. I'm starting to find it is. Please note, I'm not encouraging negative behaviour and habits that can make your life spiral, I'm saying there is beauty in looking at the stars, or having a glass of wine or two, basically learning to enjoy life with yourself instead of feeling you can only validate your existence from receiving approval from others, or letting an invite dictate your mood. I'll keep you updated with the progress…

Rhéa x

How I've dealt with depression and anxiety:

• I was once told by a psychiatrist I know to remember a traumatic event I've had like I'm watching it in a movie. Almost like a form of meditation, play it over and over again in your mind and each time try and remove your emotions from the scene. You're not denying it ever happened but you're removing the emotions and sentiment from what happened. Doing this over time helped me get over it, if you like.

• Walks; especially when I feel my stress levels are high, or I sense I'm close to a panic attack/in a panic attack. Going for walks has always helped. Yes, I could be replaying things in my head and thinking about stuff that stresses me out but, then I find my internal monologue saying "what's that? Oh, a pretty flower! Well that was a terrible turn round the corner on the driver's behalf. I really need to buy more loo roll. Maybe I'll pop into the shop before I get home, check out the reduced to clear section." You get the point...I've not forgotten why I left the house in the first place but what I was stressing about isn't as big as it was and, if anything, I have a clearer mind to try and solve the issue.

• Tea always calms me, especially when the blues hit real hard I'll swap some of my daily coffees for tea instead. It relaxes my heartbeat, unlike coffee, and I tailor herbal teas to the emotions I'm feeling in that moment.

• It's ok to drink when you're depressed|! I'm not saying become an alcoholic but there's nothing wrong with just wanting to wind yourself down with a glass or two, watching your favourite show and snacking. I find it calms me down enough to be able to sleep instead of staying up for longer than necessary, stressing over the same thing. This will always be a taboo and again, don't consider me a health expert, I'm simply saying what works for me.