therapy & time

Hello there🙋🏻‍♀️ long time no see. It’s been a hot minute!

There’ve been many changes yet it does feel like I'm in the same place as before at times…A few months ago - if you were reading my blogs back then - I wasn’t in the best place mentally and I started therapy for the first time in my life. I was hesitant and unsure about its use but let's forward ourselves to the present day and, I have to admit, the tools the therapist gave me have definitely worked! I’m not healed and I’ll never not feel depressed or sad again but the speed in which I can bring myself out of those moments has definitely changed for the better. 

The other change in myself that I’ve learned through therapy is that I believe in myself more. The greatest lesson was if I’ve done it before, why the hell can’t I do it again?! We all have moments where we doubt our ability to accomplish a task or face a certain challenge but when you really look at it, you’ll see you’ve been in this situation before and have come through the other side; harmed or or unharmed, you’ve still got through it. So whatever the hurdle or challenge, it’s been really important to remind myself that I’ve had challenges before and I’ve always got through them so what is the point in doubting my ability to live?

"The fact I’m now in my 30’s has given me a bit of a “oh shiiiiit” moment"

Other than that I’m officially 32 years old. I can't deny that it does feel different this time. In my mind I’m still 22 but for some reason I feel that I’m not as full of youth anymore. I’m a strong believer in not letting age dictate your life but I think the crux of my fear is not having achieved certain things I've always wanted to. Sometimes reading posts online about famous people or entrepreneurs that didn’t make it until their 40’s appeases this worry but it doesn’t really help solve the issue - that’s them, not me. I try my best to not compare myself with others and I know I've still got that same spark I had when I was in my teens/twenties. The fact I’m now in my 30’s has given me a bit of a “oh shiiiiit” moment so, God-willing, I won’t give up on achieving things.

We’re in August now, my mum’s gone back home after three months with us and it’s just my husband and I at home again. I have to admit I was a bit worried when she left because she came back at a time where I really did just need my mum with me - physically and mentally. I’d come home after work and not worry about cooking or cleaning because she’s there, or having her right beside me to ask for any advice instead of waiting for FactTime to load. She came just when I needed to just focus on myself, get myself back to work and not worry about anything or anyone else.

"I do believe your home is a reflection of your mental state and honestly, ours is chaos."

Major changes are also happening around the house. They’re happening very slowly but we’re tackling jobs that have been a long time coming - our garden being the biggest job. I hate the dirt, the stress and chaos that comes with changes around the house but I know it’s all for a good cause. It’s only taken 20 years to get started on it! Once there’s more progress in the garden then all other jobs will follow and I’m definitely excited for that. I feel I’ve focused elsewhere for long enough now, diversions that took me away from looking at my own home which should be a place of peace, not stress. 

At the beginning of the year I hated this home, now I want to love it. I have a feeling the next chapter of my life will steer towards my home and creating a safe haven I’ve always craved. I do believe your home is a reflection of your mental state and honestly, ours is chaos. There are little nooks of peace but it’s not nice to come home and just hate what you’re seeing. I don’t deserve that and neither does this home. At the end of the day I've lived here since the day I was born, it deserves a bit of respect for how it’s protected me all these years.

"There is so much negativity happening in the world that we have to count our blessings"

Overall, I’m in a stronger place than I have been in for a while. As I said at the start, I’m not perfect or healed but I’m proud of how far I’ve come and instead of going from 0-100 in a second, it’s closer to 0-80, which is still high but compared to the past it’s progress. There is so much negativity happening in the world that we have to count our blessings and, whilst I can, I’ll protect my home and family as much as possible.

At the beginning of the year, whilst at my lowest, I made a list on my phone of things I wanted to achieve in 2025. We’re towards the end of Summer and I’ve achieved two items on that list. Honestly, I never thought I would have even achieved one of them! It doesn’t matter how many wishes were on that list, even if one of them was ticked off I’d still be proud because in the past I know that never would've happened. Here’s to hopefully another tick off that list by the end of the year!

Rhéa x