where will the river flow?

“There's no earthly way of knowing

Which direction we are going

There's no knowing where we're rowing

Or which way the river's flowing”

I feel Willy Wonka’s vibe during the Tunnel of Terror is the apt one heading into 2026. The build up to Christmas felt very hyped up around me but I myself had no excitement for it. Getting presents ready however was a different story. Every year I make the decision that I won’t go overboard with gifts but I can’t help personalising gifts for people. I prefer it over receiving gifts myself! As for Christmas Day itself, it was sunny, we had clear blue skies and it was completely different to the kind of Christmases I had growing up. It was very understated.

I couldn’t stop, however, thinking about the religious core of Christmas. I feel like people don’t even know that Christians celebrate Christmas for the birth of their God anymore - I’m putting all the pagan history and conspiracy theories to the side here and focusing solely on the traditional (trust me, I have my views too.) There are few people around me that actually celebrate the religion behind it and I usually see non-Christians getting excited for it when it’s not their own religion. Call me out-dated but that makes no sense to me.

"The people you have around you and call family are precious"

I had a battle between going overboard with gifts, as well as home decor, with simplifying everything around me and going back to basics, just as Jesus taught. I didn’t know which way I was going, or where the river was flowing, to quote the song lyrics from Charlie & the Chocolate factory. Deep down, I also found it a challenge enjoying myself when there are a lot of hardships happening around the world which put my privilege into perspective.

There was one thing I felt myself craving though, my family. I could’ve spent Christmas day sitting quietly in a room full of my family members enjoying their Christmas and I could just sit there relishing in their happiness. My family has stuck by me so much over the last year, especially some members who openly voiced their concerns - in a positive way - that I never thought would actually voice their concerns for me. The people you have around you and call family are precious and there are people in this world who don’t even have one person they can trust in such a way.

For me, this is what Christmas is about. Yes, I love to buy gifts and treat people but ultimately it’s about the love. Mary and Joseph fought to save the life of their newborn, she sacrificed her life and her body for the Son of God, just as every mother does when they are pregnant and giving birth. Mary and Joseph represent unconditional love and this is what I strive for most of all. That kind of peace and happiness within my family so that whatever happens in the world, whatever direction it goes, as long as we are happy and together then that’s all that matters.

"I don’t really like creating goals for the new year ahead but, oh well, we all do it, let’s be real"

Next week is 2026 and I’ll be reaching 33 years on this earth during the summer. What have I learned so far? Not a lot but the one thing I can say with utter confidence is that the simpler things are, the happier you will be. Just don’t overcomplicate shit. You’re causing more stress for yourself and it really isn’t worth it. Stress & anxiety are 100% the biggest killers in my opinion and as much as I believe living in London plays a massive part in my stress & anxiety, I can’t just get up and leave. I’m not alone in this life, so instead I have to keep fighting for this safe haven I’ve tried so hard to create over the past year. So far so good! My life isn’t perfect but I can’t complain.

I don’t really like creating goals for the new year ahead but, oh well, we all do it, let’s be real.

Here are some of mine:

• Read more of the Bible & strengthen my faith

• Keep making my home a safe haven

• Not giving up on friendships, even when I don’t feel like leaving the house, just do it!

• Keep managing finances well

• God-willing, have a child!

Rhéa x